i know i know, not the end.
We're coming to the end of the school year and, like always, I'm equal parts thrilled and stressed and nostalgic and terrified. I've always hated endings -- I waited almost a month to watch the last episode of "Friends" -- even when I know that life will continue just fine after I finish my last final and head home to Boston. And maybe that's the problem right there: Life continues. I don't like endings because as they draw nearer, all I can think about is what I didn't do: how I should've asked that one person more questions while we were talking, or how I should've walked more slowly through the city on my way home from work. I can't remember all of the smells and the sounds and the conversations, and that fills me with regret. I want life to just stop, so I can absorb it all, engrave all the words and details on my heart and mind. What a waste to wake up three months from now and not remember these moments, will they have meant anything at all?
I consider this a facet of the already-not yet that Evangelicals talk about. It's a saying that represents the tension of the current reality of God's kingdom on earth while waiting for it's fullness to finally arrive. To be fully present is a difficult thing. The future is constantly begging for our attention, but it's the present that prepares us for the future. And the Lord is always present, He's moving now and that's amazing. It takes some practice to slow down and see it, but it's there. Always.
